The year of No Regrets.

I have been thinking a lot lately about resolutions and regrets.  I don't know if your like me, but I tend to think a lot about my resolutions but than never get around to them and instead live with regret.  This last year, one harsh lesson I learned is that you truly never know when it will be too late to do something or try something you have been meaning to try.  This year I have decided to think of 12 regrets and each month work on one regret.  I am hoping that by focusing on just one regret at a time I will be able to focus in on what I can do to resolve this regret.   Sometimes I feel like life is zooming past me faster than I can catch up.  My regrets cripple me, my guilt of not doing the things I wish I had said or had done stop me from doing the very thing I wish I could do.  Do you ever feel this way?
Now I have an awful lot of regrets but when I lost Sam I realized that most of my regrets were to do with memories and how I spend my time.  I wish I could've held him for just a minute more, I wish I would've taken more pictures of him.  These are regrets that I must learn to live with.  Grieving him and living with these regrets and many others sometimes make me feel like I can't do anything about other regrets I may have in my life.  I am making smaller goals to help me achieve a bigger goal of being a better person, of living a fuller life.  These are the regrets I have chosen to work on :

#1:I regret not writing down the silly things my children say and do, so that both I and they can look back and remember all the little things.
#2:I regret not connecting more with friends both old and new.
#3:I regret not taking enough pictures of the little things.  We always remember to take pictures when we are going to the zoo, or at a child's birthday but what about taking pictures of our children laughing or playing.  Videos or voice recordings of them talking.
#4:I regret not scrapbooking while I rememeber things about the photos.
#5:I regret not being more physically active and in control of my diet/exercise plan.
#6:I regret not connecting more with my family both here and far away.
#7:I regret not properly storing and having easier access to the videos and recordings I do have.
#8:I regret not building up and working on my relationship with my hubby.
#9:I regret not finding meaningful ways to honor and remember Sam, to deal with my grief.
#10:I regret not working harder to strengthen both my and my childrens relationship to our heavenly father.
#11:I regret not preparing my family more for emergencies both financial and natural disasters.
#12:I regret not taking more time to play with my kids.

Each month I will pick one of my regrets and think of things I can do to change and do better.  I dont expect that this year I will truly not have any regrets but I think that this can help me to have fewer of them and to find more peace and happiness within myself.




"If we fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who are truly important to us, one day we will regret it. Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories. - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf(Of Regrets and Resolutions, October 2012 Conference) http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions?lang=eng&query=regrets+resolutions

27 weeks

I have decided to blow the dust off the keyboard and blog again. I think this will be a great way to journal and keep friends and family updated on everything.

Our roller coaster ride began on Monday, February 13th. Our doctor is Randy Alejo from circle of life and if it weren't for him we'd be in an entirely different situation. He is very thorough and had us scheduled for targeted ultrasounds every 4 weeks in addition to the ultrasound appointments with him every few weeks. This time they couldn't find two slots together, which we needed with twins, so he scheduled us for the 24 week targeted up at Mckay-Dee with the perinatologists. The very first thing she saw on the ultrasound was that my cervix appeared to be open. She checked the babies out said everything looked great and then she looked at the cervix again which still appeared to be open. She brought the doctor in and she said I was already dilated to a 1 with the bag of waters showing. They immediately sent us to labor and delivery where we were given medicine to stop contractions and steroids for the babies lungs. Me and Jer were in shock. We had expected a routine appointment and were now being told that these babies were coming early and their viability rate was only 50%. All we could think about was please let them be okay.

We made it a week and a half when I started feeling pressure, we were taken back to labor and delivery where we found out I had dilated to a 3 and now the bag of waters was bulging. Again we were in shock, things seemed to be going so good. The neonatologist again came in and went over viability, now at 75%, and risks. We told him we would make it to at least the end of march and he chuckled and said he would bring us cake and ice cream if we made it that long.

Sophie and Porter have been trading between Grandma and Grandpa Wheeler's and Grandma and Grandpa Strong's every few days. They are enjoying their time with them and having fun. We skype with them every night. I miss them so much but I know they are well taken care of and happy.

We have truly felt an overwhelming love from our heavenly father. We have had blessings and said so many prayers for them. We are so grateful for all the prayers that are being offered by our family and friends. We feel strength and comfort from them. Although most of the docs and nurses don't think we will make it far we remain hopeful. Things look better for the babies at 28 weeks and again at 32 weeks so we hope and pray that we can carry them to a safer point. Continue to pray for us, we cannot express the love we are feeling from our father in heaven. I know that he is the reason we have made it this far.

Some Thoughts

The passing of our brother in law has been one of the saddest and hardest times in our lives. Ben was an amazing person. His smile and laugh still fills our memories. Ben was always smiling, telling a joke or a funny story with his friends and loved ones. He cared about others and was always concerned about helping out a friend or loved one. He was a great husband, father, son and friend. He will be sorely missed. The pain we feel right now is continually weighing on our hearts and minds but we know Ben would want us to be happy and to find reasons to laugh again so we will continue on. Please keep my sister and his children in your prayers. Thank you to all of our friends and family for helping us through this heartache. We love you.
Bens obituary:http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/saltlaketribune/obituary.aspx?n=benjamin-miller&pid=140751750

Slideshow Benjamin Miller Funeral

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn,
Click this link to view a slideshow if images from Bens funeral Smilebox Playback

Porter First Steps

I didnt think he was going to do this any time soon. He is such a chicken just like his sister was. He would stand next to things without hanging on when he wasn't paying attention but as soon as he realized what he was doing he would panic and fall face first. We had tried this with him a couple times but he would just sit down when we let go. I think it was more by accident that he took that first step but then he decided to give it a try. He was so proud of himself!

Porter is 1

Porter is 1 year old today! I cannot believe how fast time has gone by. He is so ready to walk but still not ready to let go. He finally decided that he could crawl it just had to be on his own terms. I think that may be a reoccurring theme with Po. Everything he does it has to be his way and in his time schedule. I made him a bottle and stood a few feet away and held it out for him but instead of crawling or walking those few feet he chose to stand there hanging onto the table and yelling at me. He tensed his whole body standing on his tippy toes and turning bright red but for almost five minutes he refused to come get that bottle even though it was clearly what he wanted. He can be extremely stubborn but he can also be sweet and goofy. He loves to play peek a boo with sister and every time he looks at her he just has this look on his face like she is the coolest, funniest thing he has ever laid eyes on. I know one day sister won't be as cool as she is now so for now I'll enjoy these moments. He also loves to dance any time he hears music he bounces his bottom up and down. I love him so much and I am so glad that I get to be his mother.

Sophie 4 years old

Sophies measurements

38.5 inches 18%
30 lbs 0 oz 11%


Sophie is such an amzing little girl. She is so smart it amazes me. She is strong willed and determined when she wants to do something she will do it and no one can stop her. She is so protective of her little brother she through a total fit when we had to give him shots. She tries to get him to stop crying everyday when I get ready by entertaining him with toys and playing little games with him and gets sad when it doesnt work. She is so ready to grow up she told me the other day that after she turns 4 then she will turn 5 and then she will be 16. She is an absolute animal lover particularly cats and horses. She now asks for playdates with her firends almost every day. She is bossy and sassy which she has been from the beginning so that has not changed. I remind myself that one day this will be a great trait if she can learn to use it at the right moments. She is so beautiful and goofy and caring and I am so happy that I get to watch her grow and learn.
Some funny things she has said lately

"ba-sagna" instead of lasagna

when grandpa told her he was pooped after playing with her for awhile she quickly said "go wipe your bum then"

"santa is not bringing me a big black rock he is bringing me a wowwee alive cub mini"

she tells her daddy everyday that he cant go to work beacuse he needs to stay home and watch barbie and the three musketeers with her

when she opened her birthday presents she said several funny things " oh my gosh, oh my gosh " " I wanted this my entire life" " oh man"